June 12, 2025 — A Mini Writing Breakdown

Hey guys. So…. oh goodness, I don’t even know how to begin writing this post. But I thought I should write it anyway. Because I’m sure you see online all these posts of everything amazing that’s happening. And I’m kind of one of those people, because yes, amazing things are happening. But at the same time… there’s also this happening. This side of writing that we hardly ever see. So… yeah.

I’ve been working on my WIP Island Keepers. It’s a rebel, for sure. And I’ve been having this sort of “writing breakdown” where I’m just looking at my WIP and just wondering what the heck am I even doing? How is this even supposed to turn into something publishable? How is this supposed to be… Well, I don’t know. Great? Publishable? Moving?

And the only thing I can think of to describe it is everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time.

And reading reviews of one’s book most certainly doesn’t help. And I did get a review of my book on a retailer site that was left a little while ago (like Foyles, Hatchards, or whatever. Not Goodreads — thank goodness because Goodreads reviews can be brutal). And like… it was a good review, technically. They said they really enjoyed the book, and yet they also pointed out something that… well, it stung. A lot.

I won’t go too into it, and I know the reviewer definitely didn’t mean it that way, so of course, I’m not blaming them because it’s not their fault. I know that. You can never control how people will react to your book.

But they did point out something and even knowing that, it still stung a lot. It was something about the book that I just really, really needed at the time. I was 10 at that time. I didn’t write for readers. Publication never occured to me. I wrote only for me, and for me, Enchantria was the escape from the world that I really needed. There was something in the book that I just needed at that time. And well, they didn’t like that about the book. I suppose it’s not like they “didn’t like it”. It just “stood out” to them and not in a good way. And they didn’t point it out quite gently either. (Not their fault though!!)

But it still stung through. And I know everyone will say, “Well, Isabelle, that’s kind of your fault. You didn’t write to market, after all!” And I know that’s true and that is likely is my fault for not writing to market, but it still stings.

But basically, I’ve just been having this sort of mini breakdown over where my current project (and honestly, my writing and life in general) is even going and what I’m even doing in my life and how this is all even supposed to unfold. And my words in this blog post cannot even begin to describe how this all feels. But the closest I can get to describing it is that everything feels like too much and not enough at the same time. And maybe this is just me, but That’s So True by Gracie Abrams kind of really captures what I’m feeling right now. Not the lyrics, but the tune. That sort of aching melody, that ache-under-the-surface-of-pretty feeling.

There’s also the fact that I want to capture emotion and hope in my books. Like Rachel Platten or Aimee Carty do in their songs. Except that writing a novel isn’t like a song. It’s slow. Really slow. And hard. Really, really hard. And it’s almost impossible to see any progress immediately, even if I do know that every word counts. It still feels like it’s not working fast enough. Like I’m trying to chase something I can never catch. Like I’m just screaming and shouting into the void.

And of course, the fact that when I first started, I used to write 2,000 words a day with perfect ease. And yet with this… it takes eight hours just to get 1,300 words out. And that’s… well, discouraging.

And that’s what everything feels like. Like “what am I even doing?? How is this even supposed to turn out? How is any of this supposed to turn out well?” Alright, well, that sounds a bit too pessimistic for exactly what I’m thinking. But it just feels quite… overwhelming. Like I just genuinely cannot see how all this mess of plot threads in my book is supposed to come together. How my writing is supposed to come together to be something good.

And the reason I decided to actually write this blog post even though I had such doubts over sharing this is that I think this side of writing does need to be shared more. That “alone-in-the-dark” feeling. Because so much time, I feel like, on the outside, everything looks amazing and fine and dandy. But really on the inside, everything just feels.. overwhelming. That heartache and pain.

And, well, if you’re feeling this as well, the only thing I’d like to say is you are not alone. And I’m silently hoping I’m not the only one either, with this disbelief and the oftentimes crippling self-doubt that comes with writing.

I know things will be fine. It’s not like this is the first time anyway. But in the moment, it still feels absolutely impossible, that this mess of plot threads and more things can actually come together.

So… yeah. I’m not saying I want to give up or anything (though it feels like it sometimes). But… I just wanted to put this blog post out there.

-Isabelle