Hey…. so… Well, to say writing’s been tough is a huge understatement. A huge one. Because these past few MONTHS, I’d say, everything’s just been practically falling apart in my writing. I just….. I don’t love it anymore. And I don’t think I can ever make it in the world as a writer!
Because… it just feels like writing is about rules. Not about creativity anymore.
This past year…… I’ve been trying to write. I joined a writing community. And as I learned more about writing, I just…….. it felt like I just CAN’T do this anymore. Okay? Everyone’s just telling me all this about writing and….
I just feel like it’s about rules.
My main character can’t be 16. I can’t make my story too emotional. I can’t write dark stories. Enchantria is YA, not middle-grade because my main character is 16 and because there are such high stakes.
And now? Now I’m just doubting myself. Doubting that I can even do this. Doubting that I even should’ve started this at all.
I guess you could say I want to give up.
Because this… this feels utterly hopeless.
Writing isn’t for me. There isn’t a place for me here.
To be honest, I’m actually kind of scared to post this. Because I know all of you are probably just going to tell me that writing isn’t about rules and they’re just guidelines I should be following.
Well, that’s just it.
I’m the kind of person who wants freedom. Creativity! To do whatever I want.
For a while, writing was that for me.
But now? Now I feel like it’s just about rules. Sticking to this story structure. I can’t have the book start with someone waking up. I can’t have a large cast of characters. I can’t write what I want. I have to stick to the rules. I must have a solid plot structure.
That’s what writing is for me now. It makes me feel sick.
And I just want to give up. I mean, how could I have ever thought that I could make it as a writer? And there’s just this voice in my head telling me, “You can’t do this. You should just give up now. No one likes you anyway.”
Writing feels like a prison now. It doesn’t make me feel free at all. So…….. am I giving up? Maybe. I don’t know what I’m going to do. And I don’t know if I’ll continue writing. Or blogging about writing. I also know I can’t tell my writing community this. Because they’d just talk about the rules again.
Thank you guys for sticking with me and trying to help me along my way and for trying to believe in me. I really do appreciate it. But now… I’m not so sure I believe in myself anymore.
Isabelle
Hi Isabelle, every writer experiences self-doubt as you describe, to different degrees and duration. The most important thing in writing is to write the story that YOU want to tell, regardless of what anyone else thinks. We all want to improve our craft but that is about how we tell the story not what we can or can’t put into it (for the record I don’t agree with any of the ‘can’t’s you’ve listed, there are plenty of dark, emotional & high-stake middle grade stories in the world! It’s how you tell the story that matters, and determines whether it is MG or YA). I recently read a list of ten things to avoid in your story and I had at least five of them in The Lucky Diamond. You know what? I didn’t care that in someone’s opinion I shouldn’t do it, and I believe they worked well in my book. You are a very talented writer (and blogger!) so I hope you don’t give up! If you’re not currently enjoying writing, take a little break, do some drawing, read the book that inspired you to write, play a writing game, and maybe find a new writing group? You’re not alone in suffering from Imposter Syndrome (in my experience the more talented writers suffer it more!), and there is lots of advice out there to deal with it. Hoping you will soon rediscover the joy and fun in writing! And don’t forget – be kind to yourself!
:)) Thanks – I really appreciate it. ^^
And (GASP) seriously?? The Lucky Diamond is awesome!!!
Aw thanks! 🙂
:)) It is! My favorite character’s Lucky!!!!
Your fine, when I first found your introductory I was amazed wowed that you feel that way. I am special to know you. I never thought I would feel this way for someone younger than me. You prove that you don’t have to be grown up to do things. ( Some grownups don’t live their life as you do. )
🙂 Aww, thanks. That means a lot to me. Best of luck with your writing!! I do hope you’ll stick around my blog. (be prepared for book rants, writing rants, and chaos, though) ;D
Of course, you are a sweet and entergetic girl, I’m glad to stay.
🙂
Isabelle I’ve been where you are many times, doubting my ability and if I should even try anymore. But then I remember I have stories in my head, stories I want to share with the world. And people can judge my writing all they want, but in the end it’s not about what they think it’s about what you’ve created, because whether you realize it or not no one can create what you have. I say to hell with the rules. There is no such thing. Writing is about creativity and no one can take that away. Let them criticize how you write, let them be held down by their supposed rules, but just know every writer is different. And your aloud to be different, follow your own rules. write without an outline. I don’t care. All that matters is that you’ve got words down on a page and a story to tell. Let your characters guide you don’t control them let them be themselves. Let yourself be yourself. Don’t give up Isabelle. I believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself. Don’t let yourself be confined by these rules they’ve created let the words flow from your fingertips. You got this. Be yourself.
🙂
Aww, thanks!
Aww… You can’t give up! I won’t let you! I’ve only known you for a few days, yet I can tell that you are a creative passonate person.(You are possibly a Christain, and support good causes) You have accomplished what some adults don’t even do – Change the world. I got shivers at your about me section.(And I was skimming! I reread it of course.) I never thought I would have a role model in someone younger than me! You are a great person. Future you won’t like it if you give up! Neither will I !
🙂 Aww, thank you so much!!! I really appreciate it! :)) It means a lot to me that you actually think that. And hehe, don’t worry. You, Valinora Troy, and Anne Mazer have likely talked me out of quitting. 😀
It’s been after me to say sorry for a few days now. I shouldn’t have reffered to your age. You seem older than me. Acomplishments : More than me Knowledge : About the same? Literal age: I am older than you by a couple years. So, I’m sorry.
It’s fine! 🙂 I didn’t think much of it, to be honest. I definitely get where you’re coming from, and I do appreciate you thinking about it. I’m mostly just glad that “Yay, someone actually likes my blog! Someone who’s not a friend I had to convince to go check out my blog! Hehe…”
I was trying to learn more about the people who were helping me on Gail’s blog. I’m really glad I did because your blog is really interesting!
Also thanks for understanding and not being mad at me. :):):)
🙂 also, one thing – I don’t think you need to post your comment twice. They all show up, but I do delete the duplicate ones. I think the reason you don’t see your comment right away is because I have to manually approve it before it shows up
Thank You. I won’t anymore.
Valinora is totally right. we ALL feel huge doubts about ourselves. Besides, you are much TOOO young to give up already. Take a break–there’s no harm in doing that. COme back when you can’t stand NOT writing. And yes, there are a lot of rules. But write your story (when you’re ready). YOu can and will throw some of it out, but at least you;ll have made the clay with which you will fashion your creation.
Thanks, Carol! 🙂 I really appreciate your words. And haha! Yes, I suppose 12 is a tad young to be giving up…. ;D