on dreams & doubt

Hello, all my dear friends! ^^ How art thou all? We are homeee now, and it is delightful and I miss Thailand but I have all of my books back and my writing shed is coming together (one can do a great deal with books and pens and watercolor painting!) and so for that matter, we rejoice!! I’ve also been reading two delightful books: The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien and Emily of New Moon by L.M Montgomery. They are wonderful reads and are both perfect to be curled up with on a rainy day. <3

However, today, I do not wish to ramble on about books or writing. Well, I suspect they will come up, of course. But today, I wanted to write about something that’s been on my mind for a while now.

Something that I’ve honestly felt like I’ve needed to write and put out there.

I wanted to write about dreams. Be it writing dreams or dreams for your life.

And I also wanted to write about doubt.

Doubt. The wretched little creature that lives in us all. It haunts our footsteps, as we walk the path of life. It lingers at every crossroads, at every time when you question, “Do I really do this? Or not?”

I’ve had my fair share of doubt. I’ve wrestled with it with my writing. I’ve had bouts of such crippling doubt I felt I couldn’t write a word. I still have such bouts of crippling doubt sometimes, even now, even as I start a new book.

But more recently, I’ve felt a great deal of doubt on social media.

Tis a wretched thing. It can be a wonderful place, yes. And I’ve met some of my dearest friends online! But it can also be a wretched place. A place for self doubt and self comparison.

Truth be told, it can feel a lot like you’re alone there. In a place that is so full of other people, other writers, readers, book bloggers, etc. it somehow feels, sometimes, like I am alone. Or perhaps that’s not quite the right word for it. There are so many other people there and that’s what feels strange.

On social media, there is very much the urge, the “need”, as some people say, to stand out. To be more than just you. To have your story, your angle, your niche.

But it can be exhausting.

And I’ve never really felt as though I’ve fit in like that. I myself have tried it. I’ve tried finding my niche. My “aesthetic”, so to speak.

But I am an eclectic person. Terribly so.

And trying to shoehorn myself into one single “aesthetic” has just proved exhausting, time and time again.

And with that not working, came the doubt of maybe I wasn’t doing enough. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I just never would make it. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this. I didn’t even know, at that point, what this was.

But I suppose, after a very long while of just skulking in my writing cave, I grew tired of this.

And it was only while I was curled up on my little spinning chair (spinning chair? I’ve no clue what its actual name is, but I have one of those chairs that spins in my writing shed, and tis glorious and I love it) and thinking — really thinking — that I sort of drifted back to a time before all this.

The time when I wasn’t worried about numbers or subscribers. The time when I was just writing. The time when I didn’t know about plot structure or character arcs or the “proper way” to write things.

I remember how carefree writing felt. How gloriously fun and freeing it was.

What ever happened to that time? That time when I wouldn’t let numbers or doubts weigh me down?

The truth is, numbers are just that.

Numbers.

They do not define your worth — and they shouldn’t. It is something that gets said a lot, but something that I think is so very important to remember, especially now. Now in a time where it feels like everyone is pushing for more likes, more followers, just… more.

Don’t let that box you in.

Truly.

People are far more than just the amount of followers they have or the number of likes on their post.

They are full of love and fear and dreams.

And truth be told, I am tired of doubting my dreams as a writer just because of mere numbers on a certain post I’ve written.

I want to write and dream and do all sorts of crazy things in my life. I want to see my stories get out there and be brought into fruition regardless of what others think. I don’t want to spend my life trying to box myself in in an attempt for more followers or something.

My fears and doubts, my inner critic inside my head. None of them know any more about the future than I do.

And I would much rather take a chance on my dreams now than look back in regret.

And a common doubt I think we all have — me especially — is the fear of failure.

The fear of, “What if it’s wrong?”

The thought that it’ll be safer not to do anything.

That if I just don’t touch it, don’t mess with it, nothing can go wrong.

But the truth is, if I just sit back and… let it be… well then, nothing is going to come of it.

And I know that if I just sit back and do nothing, I’ll have already lost any chance at success I would’ve had.

So please. Don’t let your doubts get in the way of your dreams.

I’m saying this both to myself and to whoever else needs to hear it.

So yeah. That was a little thought that I wanted to share. :)) Do let me know down in the comments what you thought or if there is anything you yourself would like to share! I love hearing from y’all! And though my posting shall no doubt be a tad sporadic for the next few days (actually, when has my posting ever not been sporadic?), I love y’all and am wishing y’all a splendid week ahead! ^^

-Isabelle

P.S. I have something very exciting that I hope to be sharing on my YouTube channel soon…… 😉 Hopefully within the next few weeks… so do keep thine ears pricked for that!

P.P.S. I have just purchased some BOOK MAIL for the first time in months and so am most pleased and am eagerly awaiting it!! I do not know why I feel the need to inform you all of this, but I do. So.